dating


It’s a dish I used to love. The flavor, the satisfying feeling afterward.

And after all, food brings people together. Dishing about boy information is something my friends and I used to taste daily.

I’m not even sure guys understand what kind of details women share. What’s he like? How was the date? Can you believe that douchebag said that to me at the bar? And yes: how big was he?

But my friends, mostly in serious relationships, don’t dish anymore. Neither do I.

Now, it feels almost sacred. Kevin and I have our couple stuff. But it’s our own flavor of behavior, and a dish we do not share with others. In fact, when another couple serves too much of it in front of others, we question the appropriateness. Keep your cutsie stuff in your own kitchen, please.

Sometimes I miss the flavor of the dish. Really, I just miss the connection it gave me with my girlfriends.

And there is no way I’d trade in the blissful happiness Kevin and I have just for that taste. Bliss is an entirely different thing: a whole sweet, salty, savory meal.

Do you ever notice a shift in sharing when in a serious relationship?

Fascinating, really. The mysteries of dating and relationships all in 140 characters or less. Here is a random sampling of some recent Twitter talk on dating:

  • So ummmmm afta much deliberation I’ve decided to start dating white boys…..#random
  • Relationships are just fun and rainbows until you have to set up ground rules :/
  • Not necessarily! There are some relationships that can be pure Disney!
  • Glenwood south is the jersey shore of Raleigh.
  • He’s the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. (Note from Suzanne: This sounds like a set up for failure — what?– he’s not the best boyfriend in the world?)
  • #sexlocations the stairs in the parking deck downtown raleigh (Ahem, really? The stairs? Ew.)

I admit: I’ve faked it.

Nope. Guess again. I’m talking about faking religion.

I just read an opinion piece in the New York Times about a couple in Texas who fakes religion to ensure their children have play dates. And it got me thinking about my own religious fake.

It was 2006, I was living in a small Tennessee town, and I had just begun seeing an interesting man. At that point, I’d only had one “semi-serious” relationship, and I was excited that someone in this pathetic town of white-haired people was near my age and interested in me.

During our initial conversation, I found out he used to be a youth minister. So on our first date, I broke from my usual rules and brought up religion.

“I’m not religious,” I told him. “I went to Sunday School and church camp as a kid, and I was raised with basic Christian beliefs, but I don’t practice now.”

I figured if it was going to be a problem, I may as well get it out up front. He said it wasn’t an issue. He left the church because he was feeling conflicted about his religious beliefs. After the divorcing the church and his wife, he moved to New York City, where he proceeded to party like a rock star for two years.

He was now in Tennessee, working and living a more normal, balanced life, but he wasn’t practicing religion – or celibacy — which for me, was a green light. I should have known better. (more…)

Apparently there’s an iPhone app that helps men track their wife’s/girlfriend’s/sister’s time of the month. Um, ok.

Would you use something like that?

Too bad male mood swings are not as predictable. Is there an app for that?

“I have a date tonight with Tom! I’m so nervous!”

I got the text message last week from a girlfriend of mine. I was glad to hear it; this is a guy she met while we were all out dancing at Solas recently. He seemed sort of shy at the time; he would edge near her on the dance floor and then back away. Near, and then back off. Reminded me of an animal mating ritual, actually.

But eventually he scootched her direction and they danced for a while. Later, we cheered among ourselves when he pulled out his Blackberry to get her number.

Cynical moment No. 1: She didn’t even think he would call. There are plenty of guys who ask for numbers just to collect the digits like trophies.
Possible Tool Moment No. 1: Ding. He passed! He called the next day and they talked. He asked what she was doing that week, and they set up a date.

So there she was, getting ready for this date, butterflies dancing in her heart.
Cynical Moment No. 2: “I’m so nervous,” she told me. “And it’s so silly. Here I am, freakin’ out, and it’s just going to be a bunch of wasted energy.”
Possible Tool Moment No. 2: Ding. Passed again! The date was a success. They hit it off. Talked, laughed, had a lot in common and ate some yummy Humble Pie tapas.

Cynical Moment No. 3: But one good first date does not mean anything, as we all know. What about those guys who just disappear and never call you again? They don’t even bother to say, “It just wasn’t there for me” in a text.
Possible Tool Moment No. 3: Ding! Ladies and gentlemen … he passed the third round! A second date took place later that week, again with success.

“I figured he might not just be some jerk who was trying to get some, or was looking for just a booty call,” Leslie said. He lives about an hour away and he always offered to drive to meet me, which seems like a lot of effort if you’re not looking for something more serious. He had to know there wasn’t going to be any, “‘Hey it’s 2 a.m. why don’t you come over?'”

Cynicism was fading. So they went out on a third date. (Can you here the slow tuba notes from Jaws? Ba dum. Ba dum. Ba dum.) Just went you think he might be ok …
Possible Tool Moment No. 4: BZZZZZZZZT. He asked her to come home with him at the end of the evening. “And of course I turned him down. It was a pretty awkward good-bye. I haven’t heard from him. Don’t think I’m going to.”

Leslie doesn’t view it as wasted energy; at least she gave it a try.

“To be honest, it was kinda fun to go on some casual dates … make out a little bit and move on,” she said. “If nothing else, I did get several free dinners and drinks in the process …. a girl’s got to eat, right?”

But why would he take all that time and effort just to ruin it on the third date? I thought we were beyond the “third-date rule.”

Maybe I should be more cynical.

Addendum: As I was drafting this post, the guy called Leslie for a fourth date! SEE? Optimism has its place in the world after all. But after that date, Leslie and Tom decided the sparks weren’t flying.

“We had a fun time, walked around downtown and had some laughs. I think we both knew things really weren’t going to go much further than casual dates though. He’s cute, funny, and an all around fun guy, but I didn’t see it going anywhere. I think he felt the same way about me.”

Saw this on Facebook:

Join us for a night of mingling with other local singles at Mosaic! Meet other professional men and women in their 20’s and 30’s. Feel free to bring a single friend or let your single friends know about this event!

Thursday, March 11 from 7:30 to 11:30 p.m. at Mosaic.

Saw this on Twitter: http://www.groupon.com/raleigh-durham/deals/lock-and-key-events-raleigh?utm_campaign=UserReferral&utm_medium=email&utm_source=uu201351

Apparently women who arrive get a lock, guys get keys, and you go around trying to find one that works. The idea is to talk to everyone and maybe find your match — even if the hardware doesn’t work out.

Anyone ever heard of a Lock and Key event or tried it?

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