By Elvissa

DING! They’re everywhere. I can’t escape.DONG! Two coworkers, talking about their upcoming nuptuals.DING! Watching “I Love You, Man” with Kevin.

DONG! My mom calls to tell me my cousin is getting married in March, and would I please make note and it’d be great if Kevin could be there to meet everyone.DING! He tells me that his mom mom commented that she thinks we’re going to get married.

Weddings seem to be all around me right now.

Yes, I’d like to get married. But sheesh, why is the universe all over me about it? I bring conversations up lately with Kevin and somehow the topic creeps into coversation. I really don’t want him to think I’m psycho wedding girl.

I’ve never given that much thought to my wedding – flowers, gowns, location, blah blah blah. Who really cares about all that when you don’t have a many to marry? Then again, I had a girlfriend in high school who had every detail of her wedding planned by 17 — complete with a fat book stuffed with pictures, a garter, the whole shebang. EEK.

On the other hand, I have given a lot thought to what kind of man I’d marry.  So, the other day, I was organizing some old e-mail folders, when I run across this NY Times article I’d saved about the “key” questions you should ask before you get married.

What’s odd is, after watching “I Love You, Man” the other night, Kevin mentioned something along these lines. DING DONG! Jeez, Universe, I get it. Now bugger off!

The experts say before the ding dongs are ringing in your neighborhood, you should run through this list.

A year and a half ago, I knew I needed to have this type of relationship, but the man I was with, Frank, was not a “let’s communicate” kinda guy. It’s so funny to think about how naiive I was, and how I thought by just making it to the year mark, that meant we might marry.

Live and learn. So I’ll share them with you, because now that I’m a tad wiser, it makes a lot of sense.

1. Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

2. Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3. Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?


By Elvissa

4. Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

5. Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6. Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

7. Will there be a television in the bedroom?


8. Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?

9. Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

10. Do we like and respect each other’s friends?

11. Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

12. What does my family do that annoys you?

13. Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

14. If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?

15. Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?