November 2009


I was so naive about sex. Totally clueless.

I read about procreation in a children’s book at the library when I was six years old. But when it came to the finer points — you mean women have orgasms, too? — I had to piece the details together from TV, movies, my older brothers, classmates, friends and a discovered dirty magazine (or two).

So I find it fascinating that some parents in Ames, Iowa are putting the kibosh on what sounds like educational reading material.

Here’s the article in the Ames Tribune.

Sex, Etc. is apparently a magazine written for teens by teens. It’s organized by Answer, a national sexuality organization at Rutgers University. It’s got the 411 on the stuff teens whisper about in the bathroom.

According to the library director: “We get this journal Sex, Etc. to provide authoritative information that teens would likely be curious about.”

Like, duh. I also recently read an article that says adolescent girls 15 to 19 years had the most chlamydia and gonorrhea cases of any age group. Maybe we should give these people some information before they tell each other that you can’t get STDs from oral sex or that condoms work 100 percent of the time. Who is going to tell them, their parents?

The parents aren’t like, totally against the magazine, but they don’t want it offered free out in the open. Yeah, we need to keep sex hidden away in the closet so that no one finds out about it. If they think it’s something only adults do, there is no way they’re going to want to try it, right?

[insert teenage roll of the eyes here]

Not every teen is as shy as the 13-year-old Suzanne. If these parents try to keep the legs closed on this magazine and hope that makes things better, they’re more clueless than I was.

It’s a delicate subject, asking your mom what the sleeping arrangements will be when you bring the boyfriend home for Thanksgiving: “We can sleep in different rooms if you want. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. It’s your house.”

This week, my boyfriend will be spending a few days with my parents and sister. We’re staying at my parents’ house out of state. And we’re sleeping in the same room.

I wasn’t sure whether my mom would be ok with that. Yes, he and I are moving in together, but it is her house. Her rules. The chances of her mother allowing such a thing are only slightly better than a doughnut surviving a pregnant women’s meetup.

But she surprised me.

“Yes, it’s fine. I would have stayed in the same bed with your dad if I could have,” she said. (more…)

I went over to my apartment the other night for one of the last times.

My roommate wasn’t home, as usual. The place was dark, half-empty and – because of my half-packing – half-depressing. It’s just a bland, beige apartment in a bland, beige apartment complex. I’ve only been there a year; I’m not going to miss it.

by Ramona Forcella

But I felt a little sad as I watched TV for a few minutes during my work break. I’m leaving my single girl apartment and moving in with a boy.

If you’d told me in January (when I started this blog) that I was going to date Kevin and move in with him by the end of the year I would have laughed my ass off.

Kevin and I recently observed (with a quick glance and no pomp) that we have officially been together for seven months. Is that too soon to move in?

Not for us. Some couples I know moved in within six months. One guy told me because of geography and jobs, he and his now-wife moved in after two. Another couple I know is past the two-year mark and still living in separate apartments. I guess it’s different for everyone.

He and I have not spent a night apart since July 1, with the exception of my weekend trip to see my parents this summer. I keep stuff at his place, and hang out there constantly when he’s not around. It feels more like home to me than my sad, beige apartment did the other night.

Some couples say things change when you move in. Some say they don’t. I’ve heard different views, but the naysayers often seem to be the people who later broke up, or who hit a few bumps upon merging.  (more…)

When I first met this girl, she seemed ok. She was sitting a table with my usual crew at Landmark, dressed well and chatting with the peeps.

But something seemed off. At first, I thought it was just the new, especially female, face in my group of friends. Maybe I was just being territorial.

So I swallowed a chill pill and started to ask her about herself. Maybe she could be my new gal pal.

Within the first two minutes, she began to gush about her 21-year-old boyfriend, and how he had wooed her so far in their three-week relationship. He drew her a bubble bath, brought her Chinese food when she canceled with the flu on their second date. She’s 25, so began chatting about the age gap and how so far, no worries.

I’m just starting to think she might be kinda cool … a bit flighty, but cool.

But not 20 minutes later, within two minutes of introducing herself to our friend Mark, she’s sitting in his lap. She’s laughing and smiling and putting her face pretty close to his. Um, ok.

I support women who are free to be. This is 2009 and if girl wants to flirt, so be it. I get the deets later from Mark, who got her digits. He has no plans to call her, because she continued to drop the “boyfriend” word into his lap.

Ah, so she’s a free flirter. Open love, baby. But as she flitted from lap to another conversation and then flighted back over to my buddy Paul, I found myself annoyed with this girl.

Am I getting old? Or am I right to find this irritating?

wedding_cake

By Elvissa

DING! They’re everywhere. I can’t escape.DONG! Two coworkers, talking about their upcoming nuptuals.DING! Watching “I Love You, Man” with Kevin.

DONG! My mom calls to tell me my cousin is getting married in March, and would I please make note and it’d be great if Kevin could be there to meet everyone.DING! He tells me that his mom mom commented that she thinks we’re going to get married.

Weddings seem to be all around me right now.

Yes, I’d like to get married. But sheesh, why is the universe all over me about it? I bring conversations up lately with Kevin and somehow the topic creeps into coversation. I really don’t want him to think I’m psycho wedding girl.

I’ve never given that much thought to my wedding – flowers, gowns, location, blah blah blah. Who really cares about all that when you don’t have a many to marry? Then again, I had a girlfriend in high school who had every detail of her wedding planned by 17 — complete with a fat book stuffed with pictures, a garter, the whole shebang. EEK.

On the other hand, I have given a lot thought to what kind of man I’d marry.  So, the other day, I was organizing some old e-mail folders, when I run across this NY Times article I’d saved about the “key” questions you should ask before you get married.

What’s odd is, after watching “I Love You, Man” the other night, Kevin mentioned something along these lines. DING DONG! Jeez, Universe, I get it. Now bugger off!

The experts say before the ding dongs are ringing in your neighborhood, you should run through this list. (more…)

OUCH.

After a lovely weekend with Kevin, my bank account is feeling the pinch. When I was single earlier this year, I pondered that it was cheaper (at least for me) to be in a relationship.

Not true. At least, not this time. Frank, the guy I dated for a year here in Raleigh, was older, established, and had a few bucks in his pocket. He pretty much paid for everything when we went out. Insisted on it.

dollar_bill

by Noellium

Now, I’m dating someone my age, and like me, he’s working hard to save, buy new toys (we both want new laptops), pay off debt, plan a trip or two and eventually not be forced  to drink PBR when you really want the Saison Dupont.

In these economic times, Kevin and I have cut back on the drinking all together, pinching a few pub pennies in favor of staying home.

Apparently, single people are, too. At least according  to this story in the Economist. Granted, it’s a British publication, but hey, it’s a global society so don’t knock my references. Anyway, online dating has hit a surge, and they theorize the recession has something to do with that.

Online dating gets you past the job-hobby-past history without blowing $80 on drinks and dinner — at least that’s the idea. Then again, you’re forced to online date.

Singles or couples: are you finding ways to cut back on the cost of the dating game?

couples2When I was single, I loved smurfin’ it. There’s nothing more flattering and ego-boosting than being a single female hanging out with a bunch of male friends. You’re the sole proprietor of female advice. They’ve got no other attention to vie for.

For those who haven’t been reading this blog long, I was friends with Kevin and this group before he and I began dating.

So now we still all hang out, get drinks on weekends and generally do fun stuff. Only one other man in the group has a girlfriend, so sometimes I’m smurfin’ it, sometimes not. But it’s less fun now. Now, I wish the guys in the group had more female friends to bring in.

Why? Good question.

Lately, I yen to hang out with another couple. Is that odd?

I think my interest in hanging with couples is to get some female company without leaving Kevin at home. Right now, I go see the girls without him, or we hang out with our main group of friends. The trick is finding a couple you both get along with. My girls have boyfriends, but the men don’t have a ton to talk about.

On my meetup listings recently, I noticed that there is a new couples meetup group in the area.

Although I’m a big proponent of meetup groups and their advantages when it comes to making real-life friends, I wasn’t sure about this idea.

I asked Kevin if he would be down with going to that sometime. He said he’d give it a try, but I haven’t set that up yet. It’d be like going into a room full of new possible dates. “Hi, we’re a couple seeking a couple to hang out with.”

Would you ever attend a couples meetup event? Do you hang out with other couples?

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