The feeling creeps up from my gut, a low-level excitement. I sing out loud to dance music as I stare at my closet. What to wear? What kind of eyeshadow will go with this? What will the night bring?

As a group of friends, my boyfriend and I sat at Landmark Tavern recently, I looked around the room.

090701_dance_club

Dance/by Echobase_2000

Sitting there, slightly tipsy, I blinked. BAM! The light shifted. I saw it from a different perspective, as clear to me as color versus black and white. I felt a flashback to just a few months ago, when sitting among this same group, the man beside me wa s just a friend.

I can feel it inside me, the eager, scan-the-crowd feeling, scoping, checking, poking, prodding, wandering, waiting, hoping, glowing. Who would I meet tonight? Would I get a phone number ?

I blinked again, back to present day, looked over at my boyfriend and smiled. I’m happy with my life. But if I were still stepping out in single shoes, who would I check out? Who would I smile at? Which guy would I stand near to order my drinks?
None of the above. I had absolutely zero interest in anyone. Here is what I saw:

  • The T-shirt and hat guy
  • Popped collar guy
  • Hipster guy in skinny jeans
  • Guy with group, scanning all the girls
  • Guy with girlfriend
  • I don’t miss looking for a guy. I had a blast speed dating and trying on several pairs of jeans. But the good fits are hard to find.

    I do miss that excitement of going out, eager to see what the night will bring. Now, I’m excited to see my friends, have a few drinks and check out new places, but it’s not the same oh-my-god-what-could-happen kind of feeling.

    But that’s OK. I’ve got something better, a new reason to dance.

    The feeling creeps up from my gut, a low-level excitement. I sing out loud randomly, lines from tunes popping in my head as I gaze at my boyfriend. I’m falling in love. What will the future bring?

    Advertisements