July 2009

calendar“Hey coworker, can you switch shifts with me next Wednesday? I need to be done early to make it to an event.”

“Um…let me check with the boss,” he said, with a smile. “And I don’t mean ours.”

He was referring to his fiancée. It was the second time recently that I’d heard someone refer to his/her significant other as “the boss.”

Is that how it is when you’re in the engaged/married/nearly engaged relationship? Do you have to ask permission to go out?

The other day I was smurfin’ it (as usual) with my usual crew at Flying Saucer. One of our friends ribbed my boyfriend, Kevin, and called him a wuss.

“You can see who wears the pants in your relationship,” he said.

I don’t think of my relationship with Kevin as having a leader. We’re a team. One of the things I love about him is that we’re both big planners.

But I don’t say to him, “Kevin, I’m thinking of going out with my girls on Friday night. Is that ok?” I say, “Kevin, I’m going out with the girls Friday, but I’ll see you later.”

We don’t live together (yet), so is that the deciding factor? If we cohabitate does one of us become the CEO?

My brother once admitted that his wife is the one in charge. I guess really it comes down to roles. Women typically keep track of the dates. We’re the ones who know that your brother’s girlfriend’s birthday is coming up.

Maybe “the boss” is the simply one who keeps the couple calendar.

Still, I don’t want to be Kevin’s boss, and I don’t want him to be mine. Good thing we have a shared Google calendar.


If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.

It’s the pick-up line of the week from SingleTease, which I mentioned last week. I saw this on my Facebook news feed and rolled my eyes. But then again, if someone used this line on me in a bar, maybe I’d laugh and talk to him.

So what do you think of pickup lines? Do they work?

What do you think of pick-up lines?(poll)

Once bitten, twice shy, I guess.

Thanks to Mary for sharing this lovely story: tool_tool_114882_tns

“Back in the day, the guy I was dating was always hanging out with this girl who I knew he had a crush on…  He’d always liked her, even before I came along, but we were mutual friends, she didn’t ever want to date him, and they had a pretty significant age difference — so I was okay with it.

The guy and I worked together, and one morning he called me super early and begged me to drop everything and cover his shift for him because he’d been up late working on a paper for his grad class.  So I did.  Then he comes in to the store later in the morning and tells me that, in addition to working on the paper, he stayed up all night with the girl, and she was going “to give him a chance,” so we were over.  Ouch.

Things didn’t work out with the other woman, so I gave this guy another chance.  We dated casually for a couple weeks before his graduation/I went home for summer.  Then we broke up for logistical reasons.  He still called me every day that summer, even when I started to ask him not to, because it was difficult for me.  Halfway through the summer, he reveals on a long-distance phone call that he’s been dating that other girl again.  For a month.”

He yanked at his belt, pulling up his jeans, summoned some courage from the sac between his legs and walked into the bar.

He was on a mission: to ask a woman out.

By .sanden./Flickr

By .sanden./Flickr

Apparently, for the shy gentleman, this is a big deal. My friend Paul has had a crush on a Raleigh bartender for several weeks, but thus far he has failed to take it outside. He went once alone to attempt it, but the beer in front of him did not provide the bravery he needed.

His mettle did not fail him last week, when he finally went to just get it over with already. He took a wingman and in they went. Sure enough, they began chatting with the bartender as she worked.

Of course the guys have all given Paul a lot of hell for his lack of nerve. (“Grow a pair, man!” may have been uttered more than once.) I’m sympathetic to his fear of rejection.

The first time I asked a guy out, I was the shy nerd in high school. I asked out a quiet, handsome basketball player, whom I’d called up randomly. We’d never spoken, but in the tiny high school I attended, everyone knew everyone from kindergarten through graduation. Unfortunately, I was not considered dateworthy material, a fact that kept my face red the next day when people discussed my gall in the hallways.

my later years, plenty of hot, intelligent men have asked me out, saving me the trouble, thank you very much.

Kevin asked me out about four months ago, and although his voice was a little higher than normal, he managed to eek out an invite to dinner. Good thing he did, because I probably would not have asked him out. And now we’re all happy and in love and driving people around us crazy.

Paul did well. He found out ahead of time that the girl recently got out of a long, serious relationship. So he simply asked, “Can I call you sometime?”

And guess what? He got her phone number.

Ladies – do you ask guys out? Guys – any great tales?

A lady never pukes on herself.

I am not a lady. One of my best drunk stories hails from many years ago when I joined two other femme fatales at Coyote Ugly in  Chicago, where I lived at the time. I looked hot and danced my ass off.



At least until I was falling down and my friends dragged me out of the bar. Fast forward through three red-headed slut shots and one big glass of mixed alcohol that cost $10. I don’t remember much from that night, but I do recall being on my knees in the grass, puking up my guts along a Chicago tollway.solas

I am getting older and slightly smarter, so I didn’t puke on myself a few weeks ago on a girls’ night out.

A lady does, however, allow herself to get drunk sometimes. THAT, I did accomplish. I barely remember half the night, which sucks, because my goal was to actually catch up with some of my girls. So here’s a few tips from Girls’ Night Out.

5. Eat dinner. Yes, duh. I went to college. This is freshman year 101 stuff, like learning to tap a keg or stashing a pen in your purse so you can make it to your final the next day even though you crashed at some guy’s house. (Despite my hangover and bar ho outfit, I walked into the final, took it in about 20 minutes and got an A!) Anyway, eating dinner helps ensure you don’t get majorly wasted majorly fast. Apparently half-priced appetizers at Borough don’t count as a full meal.

4. Pace Yourself. What? You mean two drinks, one shot and a big glass of wine between 6 and 9 p.m. without dinner was a bad idea? Yes, by 1 a.m. I was trashed and incoherent. Time to go home.

3. Just dance. We hit Solas (before the 10 p.m. cover – woot!) and yes, there are usually some sleezy guys shakin’ it around you, but hey, it’s just dancing. On one recent visit to Solas a couple I was with got hit on my a pair of 40-something swingers, both with a bit too much muffin top peaking out of their slightly stonewashed jeans. Eek. But hey, all in good fun, and a simple, “No thank you” goes a long way!

2. Mix it up. Some of my friends are anti-Glenwood snobs. Some of my friends don’t go out anywhere but Glenwood. Personally, I find that Raleigh isn’t that big and you can’t just visit the same three bars each week. Variety is the spice of life. Not only should you venture to a dance club once in awhile, but check out Jackpot next time you’re in the mood for a dive bar  or hit up the Hargett/Wilmington/Moore Square section of town.

1. Take care of yourself. Again, a big duh from college. Wear shoes that you can dance AND walk in. Afterward, don’t be afraid to hit up the hot dog stands on Hargett and Glenwood or the shish kabob guy who hangs out near the gay bars. Drink water, take aspirin. Don’t drive. Pass out and hopefully wake up to a cute boyfriend or roommate who is supplying you with water, caffeine and food.

I skipped No. 4 and No. 5, and I managed to have fun, but if it weren’t for my camera, I wouldn’t remember much. So next time, I think I’ll follow my own rules.

Or tees, actually. Through my Facebook page, I found this woman selling cute T-shirts with sayings printed on them for single people on the prowl. According to the Web site Mariah Carey wore one in her “Touch my Body” music video.

Check it Out

Messages on the SingleTee:

boy scouting (are you prepared?)
just ask me (out)
looking for good pick up lines
support your local library (check me out)
say hello.

Mmessages on the SinglePup Doggie Tee:

paws-tively single
don’t make me beg (for your #)
say hello (we don’t bite)
we’re looking (for puppy love)
pet me (if you’re single)
come. sit. talk…

birthday♫ Happy Birthday, dear blog, Happy Birthday to you!!!! ♫

I’m a few days late, but roughly six months ago (Jan. 19) I started this blog. I’m not sure I expected it to last this long, so I thank those of you who continue to read my ramblings about dating, mating, life and love.

While I think it’s sort of self-serving to mention my blog’s milestones, I do it now for two reasons: First, many blogs don’t make it to the six-month mark, so hey, it’s an accomplishment.

Second, lately I’ve been wondering whether I should continue writing at all. Now that I’m in the honeymoon stage of a new relationship, I realize I have a lot less drama to post. However, a new relationship brings new adventures and I plan to continue writing, albeit more focused on relationship bumps than on single adventures.

In my first post, I said, Heck, maybe one of us will learn something along the way.

I’m pleased to report that I have.

From Settling for Great Expectations (April 17), just before Kevin and I started dating:

So I ponder: where is the balance between settling and keeping expectations at a reasonable level?

In all my pondering, I’ve begun to realize that my expectations are reasonable. My list of wants is possible.

It’s my perspective that is skewed. I’m looking in another direction entirely, assuming the guy I want is roaming around the ether of Raleigh.

But while I do that, a guy already in my life seems to be meeting those expectations. Suddenly I find my perspective shifting.

In the end, life is all about perspective. I find writing things down gives me a way to organize my thoughts and sometimes, tip my scales of sight. It’s worked out well for me so far — I might never have considered Kevin if I hadn’t been writing this blog. So who knows? Maybe someday soon my perspective will shift another direction…

Thank you to those of you who are sharing the dating/mating experience in the Triangle with me. Ideas and feedback are welcome: singlesuzanne@gmail.com or talk to me on twitter – @singlesuzanne.

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