tool_tool_114882_tnsFirst God created man, then he created woman. The he created dating, and woman got really frustrated with the whole process.

Enter Believing Beth, stage right, on a date with this week’s featured candidate: Atheist Andy.

She met AA on Match.com and things seemed right. Phone conversations went well and next thing you know, she and this “Hottie” are on a four-hour marathon date. Conversation is flowing and just when she thinks maybe there’s a chance for a second date – WHAM! His toolishness smacks her like a hammer dropped on her toes.

We meet our characters three hours and 30 minutes into the date. The candles are lit, the restaurant is full of amicable chatter and the couple is smiling at each other from across the table. Then AA finds out that BB believes in God.

Curtain and cue.

AA: You believe in God?  Seriously? That’s ridiculous. There is no God.
BB: Well, that’s not what I believe.
AA: But you seem like such a smart girl. It’s stupid to believe in God.

End Scene.

Setting: Next day, in an e-mail box …

Dear BB: Thanks for the great date, but I just don’t think we are a great match.
Signed, AA

Her reaction, though she did not reply: Thanks for letting me down easy bud, LIKE I was ever going to talk to you again.

Moral of the story: don’t discuss religion on a date. Yes, it’s a job interview and you want to find out the bad stuff as soon as possible. Clearly AA did not find BB suitable for the job of girlfriend or eventual wife. But sometimes it’s better to leave the super sensitive questions for the second interview. And if you’re going to discuss it, “I disagree” is a better approach than “You’re stupid.”

One more moral to this tale, however. Although BB did not childishly respond to AA’s rejection email, she found herself in a bit of a tool position.

She went tool on match.com.

“I got sick and tired of seeing all these guys look at my profile but have them not contact me–what is UP with that????? So I broke my cardinal online dating rule-DO NOT EVER EVER EVER contact an Internet dude first, as they automatically won’t be interested.”

She thought, “What the hell? What do I have to lose?”

Answer: Dignity.

She slut wink herself all over the place, “winking at every hot guy as quickly as I could possibly click my mouse within a 20-minute time frame.”

The next day she checked her e-mail, only two find two “thanks but no  thanks” responses. Nearly all the wink receivers looked at her profile but not even one winked back.

“It’s enough to make a girl want to throw in the dating towel,” she said. “Never again will I break down and contact an Internet dude again-and neither should YOU.”

Lesson learned, Beth.

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