The other day a girl asked me where I’ve been going out and meeting “all these guys.”

Doesn’t seem like very many to me — especially since I’ve ditched ‘em all. Goodbye James, Kevin, Pete and Craig – the speed date guy who never did call after our second date. (Good thing I didn’t want him to.)

The girl might have been referring to my recent trip to Alibi, when two different guys had separately approached me. I told her to give it a try.

“Last time I was at Alibi it was teen night or something,” she said. “All the guys were retarded and young. And another time it was just one creepy guy on the dance floor, waiting for us to go dance with him.”
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Bad luck. Or is it?

Maybe it’s not the guys out there that suck, but the way we see them.

They say it’s when you’re not looking that you find someone. Since my “looking” these past few months has only been for the purpose of fun, adventure and this blog, maybe that’s why a handful of boys has zoomed my direction like flies catching a whiff of rotted meat.
Maybe it’s a question of expectations. That “creepy” guy on the dance floor? He’s probably just a really nice guy, the kind we all claim to want, but quickly cast aside because he appears too needy.

Some of us are plagued both by looking too hard and expecting too much.

A friend of mine, Anna, recently suggested the latter for me. She says my checklist prevents me from seeing what’s really there. She thinks if a guy doesn’t meet all my “must-haves in a man,” then I mentally toss him in the trash.

She’s suggesting I consider whether I’m comfortable and happy with someone. While that makes sense, I’m trying to balance that with my fear of settling.

I told myself after my last breakup that I won’t settle for anything less than the amazing man I deserve. I’m nearly 28; I’m not going to bother dating people who clearly aren’t right for me.

Of course, I don’t want to be THAT girl, glancing at the biological clock every five minutes; life isn’t over at 30. But I do want kids and marriage and it’d be nice to find those in the next few years.

So I ponder: where is the balance between settling and keeping expectations at a reasonable level?

In all my pondering, I’ve begun to realize that my expectations are reasonable. My list of wants is possible.

It’s my perspective that is skewed. I’m looking in another direction entirely, assuming the guy I want is roaming around the ether of Raleigh.

But while I do that, a guy already in my life seems to be meeting those expectations. Suddenly I find my perspective shifting.

Maybe we women should take another look at that “creepy” guy on the dance floor. I’m beginning to think it might take more than one look to see what’s really there.

I haven’t yet given my best friend the full lowdown on all of this. But she knows me well; I think she picked up on my shift in perspective about this man before I did. Her comment?

“Just as long as you’re not settling.”

To be continued …

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