Good job? Check.
Good family? Check.
Drinks, but not alcoholic? Check.
Interested in travel? Check.
Good conversation between us? Check.
Physical attraction? Hmm…
Do you run through a checklist in your head while you’re out with someone? I have a strong internal monologue (shout out to Scrubs, my favorite show) and I can’t help but check things off this little list in my head.
I had my second date with speed date guy, Craig, on Sunday. He took me to Mura, in North Hills. Delicious sushi, good conversation.
But when he showed up in very casual wear that didn’t appeal to me, I started to wonder. And when the first hour of the date was over, and I glanced at my watch …
As I ran the checklist through, I realized Craig meets many of my picky expectations. Except one: physical attraction. It just wasn’t there.
And as I mentioned with one of the other speed date guys, if you’re not physically attracted to someone, what really is the point? I knew it wasn’t for me. Of course, the waiter didn’t even bring the check for another 30 minutes, which is how it always works.
Maybe my little checklist is wrong, but hey, a girl has to know what she wants. And frankly, now that I’ve had a few serious relationships and I’m going out on all these dates, I know more about who I am, what kind of men I like and what will really work for a 50-year commitment.
These days, I don’t feel like dating the super-hot biker bartender with a rockin’ bod, perfect cheekbones and an IQ of 85. I know it’s not going to work, even if I just want to stare at him all day long.
So here is a short list of the dealbreakers. As soon as I hear one, I’m mentally out the door. Check!
And before you judge, I’ve dated all of these types and learned my lesson: when I break my own rules, things don’t work out. That’s not to say my dream man won’t be one of these. But we’re adults; let’s be realistic about what’s going to work and what’s not.
- Military – I support our troops. I support them protecting my ass and my country because I can’t. But in general, my somewhat strong political convictions clash with the attitude of many in the military. My grandfather was in the army. My sister is in the army. My brother is former navy and two of my cousins serve, including one who did a tour in Iraq. I appreciate their sacrifices, especially my cousin, who is not the same since he returned. But in general, those in the military are trained – as they must be – to do certain things certain ways and to have a certain attitude about things. It just never works for me.
- Musician – Been there, done that. Just never a good idea for many reasons. I don’t care how hot they look on stage.
- Bartender – Aside from his shitty schedule, he’s got a passel of girls hitting on him all the time and his social life is mainly drinking.
- Teetoteler – I like to drink sometimes. Wine with my parents at dinner, beers with the guys after work on a weeknight, a shot or two on a weekend when the girls and I go dancing. Anyone who absolutely does not drink is not going to want to come join my friends and I for a good time. He’s not going to visit my parents’ house and have a margarita or beer by the pool with us. Um, nope, not my kind of guy.
- Strongly religious – My first “real” serious relationship was with a former youth minister. He left that career a few years before we met and when we began dating, he was going through a period of religious absenteeism. I told him up front organized religion isn’t for me. He said he didn’t care. But by month No. 4, he started to care. His break from God was over and in his big picture, I didn’t fit. Never again.
So I’d like to hear, what is your biggest no-no in a guy?