butterflies_border_97046_tnsMy mom told me yesterday that I shouldn’t focus so much about butterflies when dating. “All that fades in time,” she said. “What you’re really looking for is a companion to be with you for life.”

Um, true. But she would be lying if she told me she didn’t have a crush on my dad back when they started dating.

Someone commented similarly on this blog a few posts back.

When I say “butterflies,” I don’t mean the lustful attraction you feel in your loins when you see that supermodel babe on the beach. I mean general excitement about the guy, the date, getting to know him.

And I was not excited Sunday as I sat across from Jim at the coffee shop. He wasn’t drinking coffee — odd, since it was his suggestion to meet for “coffee, or something simple.”

This is bachelor No. 2 from speed dating and we spoke on the phone last week for about 40 minutes. I wasn’t unimpressed, but I wasn’t impressed, either.

I met him in an attempt to keep an open mind. I’d only met the guy once for five minutes. Let’s not be so judgmental, right?

My gut is rarely wrong though. I met him for an hour and the coolest thing about the date was the location – New World Coffee Shop on Pleasant Valley Road, a suggestion of a friend of mine.

It’s nothing he did. He was dressed well, on time, polite, interested, asking questions. He wasn’t a jerk and the date wasn’t one of those horror stories we’ve all experienced at one point or another. It was just … bland.

I can talk to anyone for an hour, so we managed – jobs, hobbies, etc. It all just seemed like work. 090309_coffee

I’ve had great dates before. The kind that seem so easy because the conversation has an natural flow. The ones where you are physically attracted as well as mentally stimulated. You know, FUN.

Maybe it’s silly too look for butterflies, but I don’t see the point in settling for something that’s not at least fun. Otherwise, what’s the damn point?

So sorry, mom, but this one won’t be getting a second date.

So what’s the rule on how to tell a guy you’re not interested? I’m aiming for gentle, but direct. What has worked for you? What is the worst thing you’ve ever done to get out of seeing someone?