March 2009

Saturday night I was out at Alibi  and within a span of 15 minutes, two different guys approached me to say hello.

One surprised me. Usually you can see ‘em coming. Roger, roger, this is Flight 567 on approach to runway Suzanne. We are coming in fast from the side angle. Are we cleared for landing?

As I returned from the restroom, he walked up to me and abruptly shoved a piece of colored paper in front my face. It was twisted into a flower shape. “Here,” he said. “I made this for you.” Alibi

“Really,” I said, smiling. “Why?”

“So that I could come over and talk to you. I was too scared to do it otherwise.”

“I don’t believe you,” I told him.

We exchanged names and I said, “Congratulations, you’ve managed to talk to me.”

He laughed and agreed and then said he hoped to talk to me again later. Odd. Why not stay and chat? I returned to my two friends. My best friend said it sounded like a line.

“He probably has a bunch of those papers in his pocket,” she said.

It’s a curious reaction we women have to men approaching us at bars. On one hand, you’re out to meet people, right? But when guys approach me and start chatting with me, I find that most of the time, I’m annoyed. (more…)

by RoninVision/Flickr

by RoninVision/Flickr

I was brunching recently with some ladies from my girls’ meetup group, sharing tales from my recent dates, when one of them asked how I’ve gotten so many dates lately.

So here are a few suggestions. I make no guarantees that any of these will lead you to the man of your dreams, but the main thing tying all of these together is the social factor. All of these offer a way to be out there. You won’t meet anyone cute sitting on your couch at home every night — unless you’re into 16-year-old pizza delivery boys. (more…)

Him: She’s cute. I should ask her out.
Her: He’s cute. But he smokes. And he’s my roommate’s boyfriend’s roommate. And he just moved here.

Him: She has gorgeous eyes.
Her: And that could present complications. Besides, he’s just getting started on his career and he’s a bit younger than me and who knows what he wants in life?

Him: I’m going to ask for her number.
Her: He sorts of seems like he’s not very motivated. So, maybe we shouldn’t go out at all. I mean, it just seems like it’s not a good idea.

I lay all this out first, to demonstrate how men and women think differently. Second, to show you that yes, I tend to overanalyze an insey weensy bit.

Ah, the boy with black hair and dimples. Heretofore known as “James.”

I met him recently, figured it probably wasn’t a good idea. I don’t like smokers. I like guys who work out at least a little to keep in shape, because I do. I like guys who read and who are motivated.

At this stage of life, I’m not looking for the short relationship with some ill-suited hottie just for kicks. Hell, I’m having so much fun being single, I’m not sure I’m looking for ANY relationship.

So I’m laying in bed thinking about all this and then I realize I’m stupid. He’s cute, he has dimples and what the hell is wrong with me? LIFE IS SHORT. Maybe a short stint with a hottie would be good for me. Besides, we managed to talk on the phone the first time for two and a half hours. There’s something to that, right?

“You have everything but one thing: madness. A man needs a little madness or else – he never dares cut the rope and be free.” ~Nikos Kazantzakis

So fuck it. I’ll entertain a little madness and quit overanalyzing for once. We spoke again later last week and set up a date for Saturday night. Since he’s new to Raleigh, I wanted to go somewhere downtown. And he’s more broke than I am, so cheap was important.

I took him to Borough, which was mostly quiet except for a few leftover St. Patty’s parade revelers, all gay, which is one of Borough’s charms.

He’s a year younger than I, and there is a degree of maturity difference. But he asked questions about me and our conversation got rolling.

BIG POINTS: He hadn’t smoked a cigarette in two days. I’d told him last week I don’t date smokers and he said with “proper motivation” he could be enticed to quit. Wow, I’ve never been “proper motivation” before!

After dinner, I took him to one of my old standbys, Raleigh Times, to get a drink. We caught the tail end of a couple of NCAA games and talked. I’m big on directness. So I told him I still haven’t made up my mind about him. I also told him I don’t kiss on the first date.

But he IS cute. The combination of his guy smell and his hand on my thigh provided that giddy high that compels us to perform these mating rituals again and again, no matter how many tiny pieces our hearts are in after the last breakup. It’s a drug I haven’t tasted in a long time.

And as he walked me to my door, the giddy high intoxicated me. I turned around to say goodnight and … I kissed him. There are no words for the electric thrill that zinged up through my core.

Maybe he’s not right for me, but fuck it. I didn’t care right at that moment.

Maybe Nikos Kazantzakis is onto something. Madness can be quite delicious.

I’d sat across from my friend Kevin at restaurants before, many times, to eat and enjoy his company.

This time, I was nervous. This time, it was a date.

He’s the one I talk to about guys, the sounding board. He’s one of many good friends whose presence helped me after my last breakup. Knowing I have such great people in my life makes me feel lucky, makes me feel like I can conquer the world if I choose to.

Out of nowhere last week, he called to ask me out on a date, knowing full well I already had a date lined up with Craig. Major kudos for that. Must’ve taken some serious guts.

So we sat across from each other and had yet another great conversation, as always. And as we talked, I looked at him. Could I consider this man more than a friend?

I won’t lie. The thought had crossed my mind many times. He’s attractive. But something always kept me from walking down that road. (more…)

As mentioned Friday, I’ve had a “few” dates lately. So here we go, entries on each one, in the order they occurred.

Instead of the droning noise of engines failing as the plane goes down, I heard the click of a seatbelt snapping into place.

I went on a date Wednesday with the final speed date guy, Craig, despite some reservations. Ok, more than reservations. I predicted it would go down in flames like Snoopy after a long fight with the Red Baron. 090322_seatbelt

I was wrong. (See? Women can admit these things.)

We intended to meet at Brooklyn Heights, a bar on Glenwood converted from a house and an excellent hole-in-the-wall quiet place to chat with a drink on weeknights. For some reason, it was closed, so we ended up walking over to the nearby Red Room. It’s not my favorite, but it didn’t matter.

We grabbed a small bar table and started talking. It was one of those breathless table-tennis conversations, tidbits pinging back and forth quickly as we each agreed with the other.  We drink the same drinks, like many of the same things. We talked about books, our respective trips to Europe, our former lives waiting tables at Outback Steakhouse.

After two drinks the waitress asked if we wanted any more and we finally looked at our watches. Two hours had passed. It felt like two minutes. (more…)

Remember that whole plan I had to just sit back and chill out?090319_rain

Pfffftt. Gone. It disappeared faster than cupcakes in a room full of bulimics.

Instead, I have my hands full with three different boys – and three different dates in one week.

Maybe I’m not as tired of sampling as I thought …

How did this happen? For those of you who have not followed me since the beginning, you may not realize that I’m the girl who never dates. I’m the ugly duckling. So to have these three dates on top of four I’ve already had in the past several weeks, well, it’s … different.

Yes, it’s flattering. But confusing. (And yes, satisfying – in your FACE ex-bf!)
So here’s the scoop on the three guys:

1. The Dark Haired Boy with Dimples did indeed call. (See Smart As a Dog)
2. My date with bachelor No. 3, Craig, from speed dating, finally occurred.
3. A guy I’ve known for awhile called out of the blue and asked me out on a date.

Each of these presents his own pros and cons, and I promise to lay each story out for you in my next entries.

But first, I query, what are the rules for dating more than one person at a time? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, as long as they know I’m seeing other people, but I suppose, at some point, I’ll have to make a choice – even if I choose none of them.’s Most Eligible Professionals Contest results party is this Saturday at 9 p.m. at Mosquito

I missed the actual contest, but this is FREE  and I’m guessing there will be some hot singles there, so I might have to check it out before the usual Saturday night stuff commences.

The organizers say come whether you entered or not. They’ll be hanging out afterward and there will also be door prizes.

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