January 2009

My heart began to pound and my face began to flush. Last night, as I sat working and gchatting with a friend, another gchat window popped up on my screen. Drum roll, please … insert ominous music.

It was my ex – what could he possibly want? I hadn’t a clue.

It didn’t take long. He flooded me with angry messages: why was I trying to erase him from my life?

Color me confused. He dumped me, so I’d ditched him as a Facebook friend and I no longer follow him on Twitter. I’d also assumed any plans we’d scheduled before the breakup were null and void. This seems perfectly rational to me. Why do I want to keep up with his activities? I don’t want to know about it when he goes on a date or is having a ton of fun, thanks.

Maybe this is shallow. I can see a case for remaining friends with your ex after a breakup. Obviously you had some reasons for dating in the first place, things in common. I think it could be managed if the end is amicable and both parties agree.

But in my relationships, one of the two people is hurt. If it’s me, immediate friendship is just not possible.

Besides, what happens when one of the two begins dating again? Answer: the little green-eyed monster emerges and ruins the whole thing.

How about you? Are you friends with any of your ex-boyfriends? Why or why not? Has it worked?


On a historic day such as today, who doesn’t have politics on the brain?

In college, I dated a staunch Republican for about a month. Lance was so politically motivated that he planned to run for office someday. He had elephants all over his apartment and a framed picture of himself and George H.W. Bush hanging in his bedroom.

I’m neither Republican nor Democrat. (I think both parties have their issues, thanks.) But it was interesting to date someone with such strong convictions, many of with which I did not agree.

My lack of passion for Lance – not his politics – ended our relationship. But have you ever broken up with someone over their politics? Darren and I argued about politics, but we both enjoyed the arguments as intellectual discussions. For me, it’s not a dealbreaker to find someone who agrees with me about every topic – especially politics. What do you think?

I am the perpetual single girl. I had one boyfriend in high school, which lasted about one month before I dumped him. In college, I had a handful of less-than-three-months-long relationships, which ended due to geography or my disinterest.

After school, I moved to a tiny Tennessee town. There were few men in my age group. Still, I did manage, near the end, to date Mike for five months, four of which were long-distance.

I moved to Raleigh in July 2007. At the time, I was told it’s a great place to be single. I assumed this meant it had a lively nightlife and plenty of single twenty- and thirty-somethings. I was right.

But what I’ve also found is that you’re not single for long. Or at least, I wasn’t.

Within three weeks I’d had my first date with a man I’ll call Frank. (Aliases will always be used in my blog to protect the innocent.) He was only my second serious relationship and it lasted more than one year.

Exactly one month after we broke up – he said never, ever wants to get married or have children – I went on my first date with my next serious boyfriend.

There’s nothing quite like getting dumped to bruise your ego. I’ve had this “honor” twice in the past four months. While I’ve come to realize that the end of Frank and I was for the best, I’m still confused about the end of the second, whom I’ll call Darren.

Now, I could drown my sorrows in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. (My favorite flavor is Everything But The.) Instead, I choose to use this time to my advantage.

I got my groove back the other week, that old Susie W. feeling I remember from college – fierce independence and a love of freedom. It’s good to remember that feeling.

So I will blog. I think there’s too much verbal diarrhea on the Internet, most of it completely useless. I can’t promise this won’t be. But if you somehow find your way to this page, I hope you will converse with me about single life in Raleigh, for men, for women, as we work on our careers and as we continue to figure out what we want in life.

Heck, maybe one of us will learn something along the way.

So here is to my new beginning. I start with a question: what is the best thing that ever happened to you after or as the result of a breakup?

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