January 2009


I was so anxious I couldn’t even eat my dinner. My stomach was in knots. And I hadn’t even seen him yet.

I ran into Darren at a party last night. The event was hosted by mutual friends, and I suspected he might be there, hence my nervousness. I had not seen him since our breakup. Although I’ve felt solid about my single status these past few weeks, I am still the dumpee in this scenario, so forgive my moment of pathetic weakness.

I walked into the room — late, thanks to work — looking my best. There were more than 100 people at the party, so I didn’t see him at first. I mingled, I said hello to people I know. I talked to many men, including Adam, a mutual friend between Darren and I. Adam told me I looked fabulous, and later gave me the heads up about Darren’s presence at the party. And soon, there he was, standing near me.

I lifted my chin in a “hello.” He apparently didn’t think this was enough of a greeting, so I said, “Hello, how are you.” And then I went on my way.

I wasn’t shattered to see him, but I was glad he now stood behind me, so I could take a few deep breaths and slow my pounding heart. I ignored him the rest of the night, not even spying on him from afar. I’m proud of myself for that.

I won. Not that there’s a competition, but when it comes to our ex-boyfriends, who doesn’t want to come off the better, hotter and cooler person in a social situation?

Lest you think me shallow, I will say that I have not trash talked him since our breakup. I’ve been very reserved when it comes to dissing him, despite his disrespectful treatment of me.

Anyway, I met some new people and had a blast. I went out after to celebrate a Thursday night with my friends.

Whew! So I survived. And today, I’m back to eating. It’s good to know that despite my Nervous Nelly anxiousness, when it comes to the real deal, I can be strong and single.

How about you? How did your first “ex”-perience go?

Hey ladies, President Barack Obama signed equal-pay legislation into law today.

Read NY Times Story

Basically, the new law makes it easier for people to sue over unfair pay.

Confession: I have a secret crush on a friend of mine.

It’s mild, like a salsa that has just a bit of tang in the middle of your sampling. But I can’t help but think of him a little bit each day. He’s one of those people everyone likes (especially women) and he has a naturally flirtatious manner. Therefore, I try not to read too much into his comments – even though I’m reduced to a giggling teenage schoolgirl when I speak with him.

Still, I don’t believe in dating friends. Actually, that’s not true. Many successful couples I know started off as “just friends” and become something more after some drunken make-out session. But, aside from inebriated birthday kisses, how does one successful manage that transition? Broaching the subject could ruin the friendship.

This makes me think about my first crush, in third grade. Casey had deep blue eyes, lots of freckles and short brown hair with a few curls sitting on his forehead. I thought he was the dreamiest boy in my tiny world.

That crush didn’t go well. My brother, having gleaned my intense infatuation from my diary, played a very mean trick on me. He wrote a note, pretending it was from Casey, professing feelings for me. I got all blushy and excited and nearly went down the street to tell Casey that I liked him, too.

Luckily, my mom intervened.

Sometimes a crush is more fun when it’s a secret.


Let’s face it, ladies. We can’t always be thinking about men. (At least, I can’t. It’s too much effort.) Lately I’ve been thinking about my career. Given the current economy, I should be blogging about THAT, but it’s much less fun.

So I dragged myself to a tech conference Saturday just to get my brain buzzing again. I’ve been hitting the snooze button on career and me-focused foresight for the past year. Time to wake up.

Aside from any networking or learning I accomplished, I discovered a new location to meet men. The male-to-female ratio at this event was ridiculous; something like 120 people attended and out of those, less than 15 were female.|

Pretty decent odds. Of course, many of those men were immediately disqualified based on age, wedding bands, etc. But as long as you can handle an environment when everyone has a Mac and an iPhone and speaks about computer languages, you’re all set. There were certainly a few who glanced my way several times — even cute ones! Now, I just have to summon some courage and start chatting up random strangers.

This the first of many “location” entries I hope to write. In your experience, what are some great places to meet people?

Location: Tech Conference
Rating: 3 stars out of 4

According to Sperling’s Best Places list, Raleigh ranks fourth in best cities for single adults.

Austin, Colorado Springs and San Diego beat us out for the top three.

Read Article

I went on a non-date date last night.

I didn’t think of it as a date; I’m happy with my single status quo for the moment. But I had been invited on twitter, some months ago, to get a friendly drink and talk about my breakup with Frank. At the time, I declined. But sorting through my old twitter messages, I saw the invite and thought, why not? Same deal: I’ve just gotten out of a relationship, just a different one.

So I sent him a message and included the word “friendly” in my message, to help clarify my lack of romantic motive. Through a series of e-mails we set up our meeting, at Brooklyn Heights, a bar on Glenwood.

It had the usual initial awkwardness, but soon we simply conversed as new acquaintances might, mostly about our jobs, twitter and the Internet. As my best friend pointed out, it is a date if he pays. I had started a tab before he arrived and paid for it without any objections on his part.
So I shrugged my shoulders and figured he was on the same page.

Until this morning. I received a text from him — apparently it had arrived last night after my phone was turned off — saying he’d had a great time and that we should do it again sometime. He ended with a smiley emoticon. Uh-oh.

Now, I’m a big fan of the direct approach. I almost always wish men would be more direct with me. So I responded with a yes, that’d be great, “as long as you’re ok with being just friends.”

I have not heard back.

Guess it was a date after all?

Update: Jan. 23 – Ah-ha. I received a message from my non-date date today, in the affirmative for hanging out next time I’m in Chapel Hill.

This from TrendCentral:

Ex-hole n. Your ex boyfriend/girlfriend who dumped you via Post-it/text/drop-off-the-face-of-the-earth-disappearing-act and who is now flouncing around town with a new love interest “I bumped into my ex-hole this morning – she said she was so sorry that she cheated on me, blah blah blah. I wanted to puke.”

Cupcake v. To stay home with your boyfriend/girlfriend to cuddle “It’s raining and cold outside; I think I’ll skip the bars and cupcake tonight.”

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